Send us into battle and we know exactly where to hide from the bombs, drop us in the wild and we’ll survive, thanks to google and Bear Grylls.
If our cruise ship sank, find us floating away on a door, waving cellphones at satellites with half the buffet table perched on the edge.
Yet, you can never leave a man unattended in the foyer of a spa. Don’t make us go where the music is subdued, the displays are confusingly gorgeous and a therapist nods at us knowingly.
Stumble at the first hurdle
When the average guy walks into the spa for the first time, he feels like a 4 year old in a downtown holding cell. He’s scared! Last week I went for my first spa treatment. My wife was late and asked me to go ahead and register, book us in or do whatever you do upon arrival at the reception desk.
I stood at the counter and mumbled my name while Miss World smiled through her makeup. I felt a fool. What to say? What to do?
There is no ‘instruction manual’ for this; my Dad never took me to the side and showed me the ropes. I wanted to enquire about the induction course but thought better of it.
Women instinctively know what is expected of them in a spa. Men don’t because we don’t talk about these things.
There I was trying to blend, like a troll in Macy’s.
Miss World shifted the crown on her perfect head and asked; “How can I help you sir?”
“Yes uh, I’m here for a Elim Medi-Heel thing. For my feet!”
A long silence followed while the pretty girl cocked her head to the side.
At last she came to my rescue; “A pedicure! You’re here for a pedicure!”
Fortunately she took control of the situation and ordered me to the change rooms. I obeyed like a minion on a mission. If she had told me to sing a Justin Bieber song I would have complied.
Besides the metro men out there, most guys avoid spas because we never like to
We often FEEL UNCERTAIN, but then we go to great lengths to hide it.
Men don’t ask for directions now, do we?
The enemy launching the bombs on the battlefield will never see the panic in our eyes, the trees in the wild will never see us shake with fear. The ocean is an empty nothingness, oblivious to our uncertainty.